This is incredibly frustrating and I’m at my wit’s end. Her separation anxiety is bad enough, but when I can’t even set her down long enough to take a few pictures? Beautiful spring day, adorable outfit, perfect light, wonderful moment…totally shattered the second she’s not attached to me.
I’m pulling my hair out! I love my baby girl, but I just cannot function with her in my arms 24-7. It’s not even good enough if I’m sitting on the floor with her…she must be in my arms. Period. I don’t think my husband quite understands the toll this is taking on me. It’s to the point where I don’t even want to go downstairs in the morning because I know the minute she sees me, she’ll walk over, cling to my legs and cry at me. I’ve tried to ignore it in the hopes that she’ll eventually quit, but it’s so draining. We can’t hear ourselves think and then we start snapping at the poor boys. I do give her attention, I give her lots of attention, but I also have to put food on the table and constantly working until 4 a.m. because I can’t get peace otherwise just isn’t the kind of lifestyle I want. I have a Beco carrier, and she’s fine if I’m walking around, but if I try to sit down, she just starts pulling my hair. Nothing is working! I’m holding out hope for preschool, but she can’t start that until September and that’s a LONG time from now.
I’m so sorry to gripe like this. My heart is very heavy because I haven’t dealt with anything like this before. Being loved too much? Who complains about that? I guess I do.
I completely understand your frustration {hugs} Any chance hubby can take the kids out for the day so you can have quiet time to yourself?
Boy oh boy do I know what you are going through! Maybe its the age? My 18 month old sees me as a milk bank, and that’s it. Every time she sees me she wants to nurse and I have to stop doing EVERYTHING for the 20 min. My oldest resents me and I’m reading to give up nursing. She is draining and very hard to deal with. We too have a Beco but when we stop she wants to nurse. She does fine if I’m not around at all (she goes to daycare one day a week) but the second I step into view she starts crying and DEMANDING to nurse… I’m so done with that now.
My youngest is turning 3 next week and is exactly the same so I totally understand. It’s so tiring and frustrating and annoying but I keep telling myself to be thankful as it will pass and years from now, I’ll likely give anything to get these days back : )
Just hang in there. It will pass, sooner than you think. I don’t mean that in an enjoy-it-now way; because, believe me, I know how hard it can be. My twins did it to me at the same time; and now my little one is just starting to get better. But, I swear, it will pass. And I don’t think there’s too much you can do in in the meantime… Just love her, and remember that it will get better. Any chance there’s someone who can take her for a couple of hours, just so you can go for a drive, sit in a bookshop, etc.? One morning to myself can often get me through a week or two (not that I get them too often–but still!). Good luck. It’s super-hard. You’re well within your rights to complain. Go easy on yourself! 🙂
I have no answers…but know you are NOT alone. My 18 month old is going through the same thing and at the end of the day I am just drained. Emotionally, physically DRAINED.
I don’t know what to do…I don’t know what not to do….
So…in short…I understand and I hope for both of us it passes soon….
Saw a movie called A single man today..a quote from there…In a moment of clarity he realises..”Things are exactly the way they are supposed to be” I wish you loads of good luck and strength..Don’t know if you are into homeopathy..but maybe worth a try?
At first I thought the title was referencing a cute girl tired of getting her picture taken. (She really is….really cute!) I wish I could offer some advice, but I’ve got none. All I can say is that you REALLY amaze me that you are a mom, a business woman, and AMAZINGLY proficient at both. (Thanks again for working with me on my article and being so prompt and accommodating!) You deserve a merit badge!
Oh, I have an idea! Why don’t we put her and Teagen in the same room and sit back and see who can out cry the other. And, Teagen has the pouty lip. Seperation anxiety and a pouty lip…I completely understand! 🙂
Remember how D’s 18 month session was exactly the same way and the only pictures you took of her not in my arms were when she had her back to you so we couldn’t see the red, tear-stained face? It started to get better about 2 months later, and now D is actually pretty independent. Little girls just want their mommies. It WILL get better, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s currently really hard. I feel for you…sending lots of love and hugs.
Oh goodness. Boy do I EVER know where you are coming from. My 14 month old has been SOO SOO SOOOO clingy the past few weeks. She is getting ALL FOUR of her molars in at once. So she has been super clingy and SUPER grumpy. Lots of teething tablet, motrin, and orajel… and still nothing works. I have a Mei Tai carrier that I use with my daughter. That is the only time she is happy. In the carrier attached to mommy. It gets extremely tiring. I wish I knew what to do as well. My older two were NOTHING like this. Hopefully our little girls phase out of this ASAP! Good luck!
I have a 2 year old doing this too! I was a behavioural therapist for many years so it’s pretty frustrating that I haven’t been able to “fix it” yet. I am working through it slowly though by 1) not picking her up while she’s crying, so I’m not reinforcing the bahaviour more and putting her in her cot if this doesn’t work 1st time, whilst telling her “cranky girls go to bed” . Good luck ! it aint easy!!
i’m sooo sorry, michele! it looks like your son is doing a sweet job of trying to console his little sister.
Oh sweetheart! It’s not that you don’t like being loved too much…its that you hate having to pull yourself away to be a grown up! It just breaks your heart…part of you loves the fact that she just wants you, and part of you wishes someone else could comfort her *just once*. Our baby girl went through the same phase…luckily she’s out of it now :).
I feel your pain Michele! It is an incredibly hard/frustrating situation for everyone. And I’ve told you this before… I think you’re Super Woman. You carry so much on your shoulders… I am constantly amazed by you. This is totally a phase. A hard phase. Hugs!
I’m right there with you. My guy is 25 months and this weekend we’re starting Operation Umbilical. We’re going to cut that cord one way or another! I get short with the big kids too, because of the little guy. It’s so frustrating! I hope your girl gets through her phase, fast!
Michelle – We are enrolling our three in a summer camp through a local church. Two days a week 4/5 hours a day. It’s closer than September. (Starts in June) Might be something like that near you?
lots of >. i don’t know how it feels, but i “hear” your frustration.
I so relate to you Michelle! I had bursitis in my wrist from carrying my daughter around. I was going to write a book “101 Things You Can Do While Nursing or Carrying Your Baby”! HA! Why not try to find a Mother’s Day Out program in your area. I promise you won’t regret it!
Do you have a good baby carrier so you could get things done but still hold her?
S was like that for a bit … so we bought the ergo, beco and mei tai … worked like a charm. I’d wear her on my back and told her that was truly the only option if she wanted mommy to hold her. Best of luck!
I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough time with your sweet little girl. I remember once being in Target with my three kiddos who were acting terrible after an already exhausting day. I was at my wits ends and practically in tears and this woman in her 60s walked past and looked at me so sweetly and calmly said, “This too shall pass.” Whenever I get upset and I try to think back on this and remember all the phases that have already come and go. I hope this ones passes quickly for you and someday I bet you will love those photos.
I completely understand what you’re going through! My daughter is being the exact same way! it’s so hard to get anything done. Thank you for posting this, I was having a bad day yesterday when I first read it and it made me feel better that I wasn’t the only one going through this.
Michele, I think you just opened Dan’s head and took out his thoughts. We are experiencing similar issues with Nicholas; jealousy, separation anxiety, he wont sleep or nap, screams for hours on end. I always feel like we must be the only ones that are going through this, and my blog post today was going to be something to the tune of Fed Up! also.l On Friday I got a list of behavior therapist from my pediatrician. This “phase” has been going on for almost a year now and we are at wits end…good luck, you have a huge support system, so keep us posted.
Oh hun, I SO feel your pain! My daughter is just about 21 months and it’s just as awful as you explained. I too can complain about being loved too much!
Oh, what a bummer! I remember those days. I also remember staying up until 4 am b/c Mia was the same age as Amry is now when my business really started to take off. You can’t stay up that late; the sooner you can stop that, the better.
Maybe hire a pre-teen to watch her in the house so you can work. If she gets used to regular care from someone else one or twice a week, it may make the time away from you less traumatic. Some people may feverishly disagree, but she might just need to cry it out. If you continue to give in, she’ll continue to cry until she’s held b/c it works. In the end, it is a stage. This too shall pass… 🙂 Btw, I am usually not such a flake w/saying I will send things. I have had the rug pulled out from under me {w/my business} I feel like I can’t get a grip. But I WILL send shoes for your girl hopefully some day soon 🙂
Oh, my daughter was like that until she was about 2!! I finally broke down one day and hubs saw what it was doing to me and implemented “Amber Time”…for one hour every day when he came home I was REQUIRED to get out of the house and do something just for me, whether it’s just go to a coffee shop and read, or whatever. No working, no editing, no pictures (unless it was a fun personal project) and no kids. It was a *lifesaver* seriously. One hour a day SAVED. MY. LIFE. {hugs} It’s so hard! I hope you find something that works!
My daughter was born that way! She is finally a bit more independent. It took a long time for us. It finally came to a turning point when I just gave up on everything else and focussed totally on her. Suddenly she became more secure and relaxed. So what worked for us was almost ‘overdoing’ the attention and hugs and holding. Now she just gets jealous 😉 But she is quite independent at two.
All the best. At least you know she won’t be clinging to you in high school!
Oh my dear, I do feel for you! I had similar issues with Rowan. What finally did the trick (him at the age of 3….ugh!) was for me to take a 6 day vacation to California by myself. Of course that did mean no more nursing (which was fine with me at his age), but it nipped the whole separation anxiety in the bud because he got used to daddy also being primary caregiver. Not that it is the answer for you at Amry’s age, but it does get better! ((hugs)) Even as mom’s we do need our own space (and bodies) 😉
Michelle,hang in there…it will get better. I had one like that too and can relate to working until all hours just to keep my head above water..which is so exhausting in itself. Stop feeling guilty, you are human. One day at a time…
This brought tears to my eyes. My baby girl is starting to do the same thing. It’s exhausting… but I try to remember… this too is temporary.. and someday… I just might miss it. Hang in there 😉