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It’s is a long one. Bear with me.
This blog is a place where we get to celebrate births and newborns and the miracle of life pretty much on a daily basis. I know how delicate life is. I know how miraculous the creation of life
is. I don’t take it for granted, not for one single second. I don’t consider myself a typically religious person, but I can tell you I pray for every newborn client that comes my way. I pray before every birth. I pray during every birth. And I pray after the birth.
about pregnancy loss on here, especially because I have no basis in reality on the subject. However, over the years, I’ve had several
friends, relatives, and clients who have experienced one of the
most devastating kinds of losses anyone could ever fathom. With each of
their heartbreaks, I struggled to find the right words to say how
terribly sorry I was and searched frantically to find some way I could
help them through such a difficult time. I felt guilty because I had
three healthy children of my own and I
was ashamed because I didn’t really know how to talk about it or even if
I should talk about it.
talented photography buff and soon-to-be client. I was scheduled to
photograph the birth of her second child. We had talked about the
anticipated day, planned everything out that we could possibly plan and I
was so excited to hear the results of her *big* ultrasound.
But not everything happens the way you intend
and sometimes the dream of having a healthy, happy child doesn’t become a
reality:
I was so excited to be pregnant with my second child and on May 11, 2010 my husband, daughter and I ventured to the doctor’s office for our routine ultrasound. We were going to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We could barely contain the excitement as we waited to be called back. Would my daughter have a little brother or sister to play with come fall? All of the dreams of my second child ran through my head and sadly they all came crashing down with 4 words. “There is no heartbeat.”
I honestly never thought about losing a child, especially after having a textbook pregnancy up until 19 weeks, a healthy daughter and being 27. I delivered my son, Oliver, the next day and it was hello and goodbye in one day. We left the hospital brokenhearted and empty handed.
I quickly turned to online resources in my grief looking for women to relate to. Somewhere I could share my story and feel less alone. Within a few weeks I found a brand new site, Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope, an online resource where women who had experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss could come together, share their stories and their faces, find support and know they are not alone. These were women that were just like me, young, healthy and now very aware of the true devastation of pregnancy and infant loss. This was where I met Kristin, the founder, who lost her daughter, Stevie Joy at 26 weeks just 4 days before I lost Oliver, and I quickly knew this was my calling and how I could help spread awareness and share Oliver’s story.
We joined forces and propelled by our deep desire to make a difference in honor of our children, Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope has grown at an incredible rate, with nearly 250,000 website hits, 400 stories up on the site and most recently a community forum. Clearly, women are ready to start talking about pregnancy and infant loss.
We have launched our new campaign called I AM THE FACE which runs through October 15th, which is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Our goal is to have 2,000 women who have lost a baby add a picture of their face to the site, to represent the 2,000 women who lose a baby every single day in the US. The goal is to ‘put a face’ on pregnancy and infant loss, and let more women who are suffering in silence know that they are not alone, and have no reason to be ashamed.
We are hoping that this becomes a movement, that those who have experienced a loss start thinking of themselves as survivors. You can really feel a sense of new found pride radiating from the women who have joined the campaign already. Yes, they are sad, but they are proud to have survived one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and proud to speak of the children they have lost and who have touched their lives forever.
“There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this earth.”Andrea and Kristin have been so brave and generous and forward-thinking. Their efforts have not only helped families who’ve experienced losses but also their friends and relatives who wish to support them in some way (I found this link to be particularly helpful). Watching Andrea turn her grief into something so powerful inspired me and I felt it was important to promote this incredible resource. To join the movement, please go to www.iamtheface.org. You can also read stories of loss and hope, and share your own at www.facesofloss.com.
Andrea…thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story on here and I hope we can help continue to honor the memory of Oliver through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope.
Ironic. I’m a photogapher in Omaha who has had your site bookmarked forever as one of my go-to sites for inspiration, and tomorrow will be six months since my son was born and died at just shy of 20 weeks. Thank you for posting this.
Thank you so much for sharing this post on your site. I got my start in newborn and family photography after the loss of my daughter Bella at 20 weeks last year. Photography was such a healing outlet for me and I think it’s so important what Andrea is doing over at Faces of Loss to make a safe haven for women to discuss pregnancy and infant loss with out feeling ashamed. Thank you for helping to promote her efforts!
Thank you for being willing to share this story on your blog. I am so glad to hear of this collaboration. I suffered a miscarriage almost two years ago and found healing and support through other online photography buddies who had gone through the same thing. It is truly amazing how many women have suffered and survived a miscarriage yet it is still such a difficult thing to be open about.
Thank you for your bravery as a photographer. I am both. I am a photographer and the face of pregnancy loss. My husband and I were married in June of this year, and became pregnant right away. Just as quickly we heard the news there was no longer a heart beating inside me. It felt as if both hearts had stopped. It’s a long road to recovery, but amazing family, supportive clients, and wonderful friends help us through it. Thank you for posting this and supporting the awareness of this common but unknown issue. Your work is outstanding!
Thank you Michele for posting this story. Andrea Morton is my daughter and she has spoken so highly of you and that you were going to photograph Oliver’s birth. Unfortunately that wasn’t how it happened but I am hoping and praying that in May you will be photographing the birth of Natalie’s sibling. Thank you for posting Andrea’s story and telling your followers about this wonderful website.
My dearest friends just lost their first baby Friday at 5 weeks old. I am glad there is support out there for people who have to experience this horrendous tragedy of loss.
I’ve been blog stalking you for a while, but wanted to leave a comment on this post. Thank you for having the courage to post about such a taboo subject. Our family lost our son, JT, at 18 weeks. I added my face to I Am the Face tonight, in honor of Oliver, JT and all of my friend’s babies who were gone too quickly.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I lost my son at almost 20 weeks pregnant. I was and still am devastated. I still don’t understand why people can talk about their aunt, grandfather, mother, etc. that has passed, but find it taboo to speak about losing babies. Living in the Austin area, some hospitals participate in a special program. When I arrived at the hospital, I was given a box that contained things like a blanket, my son, Logan’s, footprints and a special James Avery charm. This charm is only given to those women who have suffered a loss. I wear mine on a chain around my neck. We have since purchased one for my husband and for other friends of ours who have lost babies but don’t live in the area.
Again, thank you for sharing. I am passing on to other friends I have met in support groups who have losses as well.
What a beautiful and meaningful way to support others who have experienced the loss of a child. Thank you so much for posting this.
Such sad stories; my heart breaks for all of those women and their loved ones, and especially their angels in heaven. I’m glad there is a campaign for this to help people speak out about pregnancy and infant loss. I had a very early miscarriage after about 5 cycles of trying to conceive, and while it was not horribly devastating because it was so early on, I know many women for whom the experience was much, much worse. Thanks for talking about it.
I’m so glad that you shared this. We lost our little boy when I was 16 weeks pregnant. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through, and I’m grateful that I now have my little Sophia (who we wouldn’t have if our son had survived, since we were only planning to have three kids). Thank you for talking about this on here and sharing the link.
This is a great thing!
This is a great thing!!
It’s been almost two years to the day that I found out we lost our litlte baby. It still haunts me … as does the day that baby was to be born. I’m forever thankful we were blessed with baby T and believe that everything happens for reasons we just cannot understand.
I am Andrea’s Mother-in-law. I hurt for my children because of their loss, but it wasn’t until I saw little Oliver’s footprints, that I cried for myself and the grandson I would never know. I am so proud of Andrea to take on this project not just for herself but for others who grieve as she does.I love you Andrea!
My son Cristian Tyler would have been 2 Sept 11, 2010. I had him at 27 weeks. I had him on 9-11-08 and I found out 9-8-08 that there was no heartbeat. I was and still devastated even though I know he is not suffering. I want to thank Kelly for send this link to me. Remebering Cristian Tyler forever in my heart. I was so blessed with being pregnant but so heartbroken that i lost him.
My daughter Hannah would be almost 14. I went for my ultrasound on Monday to be told everything looked fine. I was sent out with pictures of a baby I would never hold. On Thursday I went into labor and lost her. To add insult to injury the morning of the loss the doctor told me that I possibly had cervical cancer. I apparently had this condition when I found out I was pregnant and no one bothered to tell me. Did this cause the life of my child my current doctor and saint could nto be sure but thanks to him I have a son who just turned 13. I became pregnant once more only to be broken hearted within a couple of weeks of finding out the news. Due to issues from the cancer I have never been able to get pregnant again. My heart breaks to know my son whom I adore and cherish will be an only child. But for him I am so very grateful. Thank you Andrea for this wonderful page. To be able to share with others and to know that I am not alone in spirit makes a huge difference. Especially this time of the year. Oct 11th 1996 is the anniversay of her death.
Thank you for this post, for sharing and educating. I gave birth to our sleeping baby boy on 9.18.10, he was 20 weeks.I’ve joined the campaign and encourage others to as well. (I found you through my friends, http://www.FIToriBLOG.com and http://www.styleberryblog.com)
Really beautiful!
thanks for the reminder to post tomorrow.
and for the reminder of what a miracle each baby truly is.