I got something in the mail yesterday. It was the culmination of 365 days (+ a few more this year) of documentation, sweat, and tears. Literally. I was shaking a little bit as I opened it and flipped through all 242 pages of it. When I finished, I will admit to being a little tired. It was difficult to relive last year through these pictures, but at the same time, it was necessary and I was surprised to find that I was smiling more than I was teary. I will be ordering three more copies…one more for each of my children to keep forever as well. I am glad it’s over. But I am proud:

For the next 48 hrs, the THIS link will allow you the chance to flip through the entire album via iBooks on an iPad (for those that were asking to see the inside). Note that April 27th and May 2nd are not misprints. Those are very intentional and were the most appropriate ways I could think of to attempt to convey our feelings at that time. Once that link expires, you can always see all of the images in the collection via this Facebook album.

The book is 11×13 from Blurb designed using InDesign (which I learned via these album design tutorials). My husband hung up the shelves for me last night (I love him) so that our albums could be displayed and more readily accessible to everyone to flip through whenever we want. Though I would have preferred the shelves to be white and probably could have made them myself MUCH cheaper, I was in a hurry to take advantage of my husband’s willing spirit, so we snagged these from Target. The lip on the end is *very* important as they hold the books on the shelf and keep them from sliding off. They could also be a little bit deeper to hold more, but in this particular space, they work well and don’t get in the way of the walkway, so I guess that’s good.

Thank you to everyone that followed along with this project last year and I would LOVE to see anyone else’s 365’s if they are willing to share. Post in the comments below! And if you started one this year…GOOD LUCK!

P.S. My husband asked me two questions after looking through this book:

Him – “Are you glad you did it?”

Me – “Heck YES!”

Him – “Do you want to do it again?”

Me – “Heck NO!”

She turned five. And I still can’t get past it. Tonight, on the eve of another arctic cold front, she allowed me to take her out just before sunset to capture something magical…fantastical. I love this girl. She is my world…

[For more on the “snow” see here.]

This is an emotional birthday to me, so in order to not dwell on how bittersweet it is to watch my baby turn 5, I dove into these party decorations. I am so grateful to those who were able to make it out here today in spite of the yucky weather. You made our birthday girl very, very, very happy!

By the way, I take credit for nothing in these images except for the cute little girl. Thanks again, Pinterest ;-). I cannot believe that the cake actually turned out!!!

[Disclaimer: so as not to spend the entire evening behind my big, black Nikon box, I only took pics w/ my iphone 😉 You can forgive me, right?]

A good friend of mine shared THIS video with me and it absolutely inspired me because let’s face it, after our family’s fair share of hurt this year, I definitely have a desire to be happier.  So, I decided to throw a party to thank some very special clients…people who have been with me since the very beginning, people I see year after year, people with whom I’ve shared laughter, tears, elation, and heartache. What better way to thank them than to give them a little shopping spree at one of my favorite stores, Kendra Scott Jewelry in good ol’ Austin, TX? And, even better, in the process, we were able to raise more than $1,100 to go toward the Melanoma Research Foundation. (Why?).

It could not have been a more perfect evening. I had SO much fun getting to visit with my clients dear friends while doing some girlie girl shopping with them. I got to hug each and every one of them and say, “Thank you,” in person. I even had a visit from my sissy and my hubby brought the kiddos by for a cupcake or two (PURE yumminess from Nothing Bundt Cakes in Westlake).  I was walking on air that night. So much so, it is pretty much a given that we must repeat this next year. Right, ladies? Those who were not able to make it…here is your hug, too ;-). Sorry we missed you and hopefully, we’ll catch you next time around 😉

I still pinch myself sometimes. I can’t believe how many families I’ve been able to watch grow and change over these last seven years. I was telling a client the other day it’s funny because this is the longest I’ve stayed in one job…by far. My second longest was 2 years ;-). I am very thankful to have found a career that doesn’t really feel like “work.” It fulfills me and keeps me going. I get hang out with the most interesting, humorous, brilliant, beautiful people from all over the world…from all walks of life. I am very thankful for all of the clients I’ve met and the miracles I’ve witnessed and celebrated. Very thankful.

XOXO and very humbly yours,

Me

So this year, I didn’t get much any say in the choice of Halloween costumes. This is what happens when you let Dad help them make their selections. I did make my eldest take his mask off for one pic so I could see some semblance of my sweet boy underneath. My rocker son was pretty spot on. And of course my princess never disappoints ;-0. None of these made my 365, however. I wanted to capture something else for that…

Hope you all had a wonderful and safe Halloween with cuter costumes than what I was working with ;-).

This past summer, I had the privilege of working with Lindsey and her family. It was then that I first heard of aerial yoga and I was totally intrigued. I got to see Lindsey and her girls in action when I went to her Yogapeutics studio and take a few promo photographs for her (you DON’T want to miss those pics because Lindsey and her girls are MUCH more graceful and talented than I am with this thing ;-). Today, it was finally our turn and I got to spend a WONDERFUL hour and fifteen minutes hanging out with my baby girl! In fact, I loved it so much, I’ve purchased my own hammock and signed up for the mother/daughter workshop with Lindsey in January ;-). Very, very excited to continue this journey and I thank Lindsey for inspiring me to do so.

While I was getting my hair done the other day, my hairdresser and good friend Katie mentioned the new “tinsel” in my hair. It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about, but then I giggled and smiled and told her, “You know, I’m grateful for that tinsel. It means I am lucky enough to be getting older.”

A year ago today, I turned 34. I honestly wasn’t that excited about it. I mean, we all know that once you get past a certain age, each birthday becomes like this dreaded countdown to the next “oh, man, I’m getting so ooooooold” milestone. But in one short year, I learned some pretty invaluable lessons, the biggest of which is that each birthday I get to celebrate, each year I get to spend with my family, each new strand of tinsel in my hair is a gift. I am grateful for those gifts. And I will never ever complain again about privilege of getting older.

(A million Thank You’s to two of my most wonderful friends how drove in to spend this birthday with me 😉 – Minnette and Leah. This time together meant more than you might ever, ever know. Love you girls!)

When I saw her last “First Day of Preschool” crop up on my calendar, I was heartbroken for so many reasons, one of which being that I had a session scheduled for this morning and I thought I would have to miss this very special day. I don’t know how it happened and believe me, I don’t think I could have planned it if I tried, but my session wrapped up a little bit earlier than expected and bless my husband, he drove our baby girl out to meet me so that I could do our annual Back-to-School photo session to commemorate her very last first day of preschool. She was so patient for me and didn’t give me a hard time when I got all blubbery about it. I love this girl’s incredible sense of style, her level of maturity, and her zest for life. I also love that she doesn’t wear glasses, but when we happened to find these fashion glasses at Target, she decided she had to have some “readin’ peepers,” just like Mommy’s 😉

Part of the healing for all of us is going to be letting go of guilt, for sure, so I am going to try to do that by acknowledging how proud I am of these boys instead of beating myself up that these aren’t the perfect back-to-school pictures I had imagined. Bless these sweet boys for they literally had to turn around after their summer came to a very abrupt end (the 25th) and the next day (the 26th), go right back to school. I normally spend days planning out their back-to-school outfits, but this year, I let the boys pick out their own clothes. I’m actually happy that I did. I loved to see their personalities coming out in what they chose to wear on their first day in their new classrooms: T’s scientific mind and his love of Minecraft and Little Logs, always the socialite, a bright ball of energy. The photo session that morning was nothing too special, we just captured the time. But they let me take their pictures…they even let me take some pictures of them together…they were even (kindof) hugging in these pictures. My beautiful, sweet boys who have been through so much this year…just like their daddy, they move forward, carrying on with life. They all inspire me greatly.

I am normally a very positive person. I like to be happy. I like to find the silver lining in all things. I am pretty good at putting on a smile and appreciating the day, even if I don’t quite feel like it.

It scares me to pour my heart out like this and I don’t even know if I should, but my blog used to be a place where I could share all of my happy memories, I guess I’m allowed to share the dark side, too. I have to be honest now…

I am lost. I am truly at a loss. I didn’t really realize how sad I’ve been until today while, in an effort to get back to work, I was trying desperately to catch up with my 365 project. But with each image bringing me closer and closer to the death of Pop, I was filled with more and more dread and grief.  I have been unable to function any more than just getting through each day lately. It has been very difficult for me to face even the smallest of tasks. I would like to just crawl up into my bed and go to sleep and forget everything. I know that I cannot do that. I know that people have endured much worse tragedies than these. It’s not my brother we lost…it’s not my father who just passed away, but these have certainly been my heartaches to share. My whole outlook on the world and life and the future has been bruised.

I have got to find a way to put the sadness of past year and a half behind me. I have to keep functioning. I have to keep being a wife. I have to keep being a mommy. I have to allow myself to feel happiness again. I’m just not sure how. I guess this is a start? Admitting that I am sad. Admitting that I am afraid. There has to be some hope in the fact that I at least have the desire get back to the sunny side again, even if I don’t have the direction.

So I guess I just want to tell you–my family, my friends, my clients, and even those who haven’t ever met me–thank you. Thank you for being patient with me and forgiving of me and for allowing me to be sad for a little bit. I promise…I promise it will get better. It has to. There are too many wonderful things in this world left to be appreciated and admired. And I want to share as may of those as I can with you…

Much love,

Me