You can try, but you are never going to meet a couple this kind, loving, generous, understanding, fun, and IN LOVE. I left this session on cloud nine, knowing I would love the pictures simply because I completely enjoyed the subjects. It makes my heart swell to think that good people like this in the world have found each other and will start a life together. I could not be happier for them. XOXO {another fav HERE}.

As cliché as it may sound, it really does seem like just yesterday I was photographing his big brother as a newborn baby. I really do enjoy getting to carry on the photo session tradition with siblings…I find it so fascinating to see the similarities and differences between them. And I like to imagine all of the fun things they’ll do together when they get older…especially when they learn how to gang up on their parents. Believe me, I’ve been on both sides of that one ;-). [My absolute favorite image from this session can be seen HERE.]

As evidenced by the second image up there, little man didn’t quite know what to make of me at first at his session. I first met him when he was just a babe, so I can understand that he probably didn’t remember me. However, little did we know, the true way to little boy blue’s heart was by letting him strip down and hop into a dub of water! Oh my word! You would have thought all of his dreams came true in that one little moment. His mommy and I kept commenting that we made it the best day of his life…and considering he’s only been around for 365 or so days, that is probably very, very true 😉 Fav image from this session pictured HERE.

I will always vividly remember this evening. It was super, duper warm and it also happened to be Food Trailer Tuesday in downtown at the park and so there were people *everywhere*. But that didn’t stop us. Not one bit. We laughed a lot, which is a wonderful thing because look at their smiles! These sisters are twins, yes, but their personalities are very, very distinct. And I loved that they got to share their senior portrait session experience together, but had plenty of one-on-one time as well. Beautiful girls with tons of much-deserved confidence and I hope their senior year is MAGIC!!! A neato little pic not pictured is shared HERE and another fav of them together HERE.

When I saw her last “First Day of Preschool” crop up on my calendar, I was heartbroken for so many reasons, one of which being that I had a session scheduled for this morning and I thought I would have to miss this very special day. I don’t know how it happened and believe me, I don’t think I could have planned it if I tried, but my session wrapped up a little bit earlier than expected and bless my husband, he drove our baby girl out to meet me so that I could do our annual Back-to-School photo session to commemorate her very last first day of preschool. She was so patient for me and didn’t give me a hard time when I got all blubbery about it. I love this girl’s incredible sense of style, her level of maturity, and her zest for life. I also love that she doesn’t wear glasses, but when we happened to find these fashion glasses at Target, she decided she had to have some “readin’ peepers,” just like Mommy’s 😉

Part of the healing for all of us is going to be letting go of guilt, for sure, so I am going to try to do that by acknowledging how proud I am of these boys instead of beating myself up that these aren’t the perfect back-to-school pictures I had imagined. Bless these sweet boys for they literally had to turn around after their summer came to a very abrupt end (the 25th) and the next day (the 26th), go right back to school. I normally spend days planning out their back-to-school outfits, but this year, I let the boys pick out their own clothes. I’m actually happy that I did. I loved to see their personalities coming out in what they chose to wear on their first day in their new classrooms: T’s scientific mind and his love of Minecraft and Little Logs, always the socialite, a bright ball of energy. The photo session that morning was nothing too special, we just captured the time. But they let me take their pictures…they even let me take some pictures of them together…they were even (kindof) hugging in these pictures. My beautiful, sweet boys who have been through so much this year…just like their daddy, they move forward, carrying on with life. They all inspire me greatly.

I am normally a very positive person. I like to be happy. I like to find the silver lining in all things. I am pretty good at putting on a smile and appreciating the day, even if I don’t quite feel like it.

It scares me to pour my heart out like this and I don’t even know if I should, but my blog used to be a place where I could share all of my happy memories, I guess I’m allowed to share the dark side, too. I have to be honest now…

I am lost. I am truly at a loss. I didn’t really realize how sad I’ve been until today while, in an effort to get back to work, I was trying desperately to catch up with my 365 project. But with each image bringing me closer and closer to the death of Pop, I was filled with more and more dread and grief.  I have been unable to function any more than just getting through each day lately. It has been very difficult for me to face even the smallest of tasks. I would like to just crawl up into my bed and go to sleep and forget everything. I know that I cannot do that. I know that people have endured much worse tragedies than these. It’s not my brother we lost…it’s not my father who just passed away, but these have certainly been my heartaches to share. My whole outlook on the world and life and the future has been bruised.

I have got to find a way to put the sadness of past year and a half behind me. I have to keep functioning. I have to keep being a wife. I have to keep being a mommy. I have to allow myself to feel happiness again. I’m just not sure how. I guess this is a start? Admitting that I am sad. Admitting that I am afraid. There has to be some hope in the fact that I at least have the desire get back to the sunny side again, even if I don’t have the direction.

So I guess I just want to tell you–my family, my friends, my clients, and even those who haven’t ever met me–thank you. Thank you for being patient with me and forgiving of me and for allowing me to be sad for a little bit. I promise…I promise it will get better. It has to. There are too many wonderful things in this world left to be appreciated and admired. And I want to share as may of those as I can with you…

Much love,

Me